I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
