we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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