oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
