last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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