Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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