I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
