Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
