I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
