Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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