My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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