2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
