I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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