This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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