dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
