Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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