Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
