haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
