I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
