I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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