I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
why is half of my head shaved?
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