I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
