I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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