I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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