it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
