Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
