Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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