I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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