YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
