Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
