zippers are such a cool invention
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
