we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
