I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
