then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
