Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
