just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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