and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
