RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
