Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
