She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
