Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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