You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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