I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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