You work out of a Hotel?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
40s are totally the cure
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
