Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
