and you said cock pushups were impossible
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
