Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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