OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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