Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I party with great urgency now.
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