he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
