I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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