is your mom at the bar?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Enjoy the penises
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
