I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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